Ouch!

Yes I have been drinking, and yes I did just dislocate my shoulder for the 3rd time wrestling my roomate. OWWW!!!

That hurt, I think he realized I was hurt when I just layed there and stopped fighting after a minute. Damnit, and I was going to win.

But I way prefer this to emotional pain. My heart hurts a lot more. I wish I could pop it back into place.

Peace?

Through out my existence I have always been a big fan of life. I enjoy lots of things like breathing and sunshine and whatnot. But I think due to recent events I have begun to re-evaluate life.
Life kind of sucks, I know I am an incredibly lucky person and have had so many good things happen to me it is absolutely retarded for me to say that. And the fact that I can say that makes me realize that there is something fundamentally wrong here. If I who have no room to complain cause I have food, and family and all sorts of nice electronic equipment can say. Wow, I think something is wrong here. Than how much more so can others who have drawn crappier cards in the game of life speak the displeasure.
Life is hard. There are things that really hurt, and the fact that we have to live our own lives makes a lot of it uncertain. Things fall apart, the center cannot hold. And something is fundamentally wrong with the way we live our lives.
I hurt really bad, and someone I care about DEEPLY more so that most of the people I have know in this life is hurting deeply too. And this is because I am pretty sure that we need to get off of one track because I think it will hurt even worse down the road.
What is wrong with me? Why can I not make this work? Why can I not emerge from the crap shining, and singing a tune having fixed everything like Captain America?
I think it is because we are not doing life the right way. I am not sure how it is supposed to be done, but I am sure I am not doing it correctly. There is something fundamentally wrong with the way I and my society do life. People hurt and break and die and starve.
I wish I could be noble enough to step up and say I am going to dedicate my life to changing this. But in all likelihood I shall put back my blindfold and start trying to drown myself in the muck again.
Dear God, please let it not be so. I can take pain and I can take hardships. But I cannot take being lost. I am so tired of not knowing.

Saturday

I feel like shit today. Not in the, I woke up and had a fever and headache sort of way. Although I do have a bit of a headache, I think it is because I have forgotten to eat. But I feel like shit in a much more broad sense. I feel as if today, the best method to spend my time would be to sit in a dark and cold place and brood.

Have you ever looked at yourself and been like, “Holy crap! Is that me? Man I suck!”
For me, this is one of those days. I am just pissed off at myself, and pretty much everything else that I share existence with. Earlier today I was ready to duel an extension cord to the death, but the damn thing could not fight back very well. So, I satisfied my anger by unknotting it. Not nearly as satisfying as if it had been alive and we could have fought to the death.

Well, I suppose that now that I have alerted the rest of the world, consisting of the no one who reads my blog as to the level of how much I suck. I shall retire. I bid you good day.