Why should the fire die?

So, I guess I have not done a lot of confessing. But tonight I suppose I will change that. Tonight, my heart hurts. No, more it aches. I was reading a book today and in it one of the main characters died. I am not exactly sure how to explain this but the author did a really amazing job of describing loss and pain. And it cut deep. Recently one of my close freinds died. I am not writing for pity, I did not even really want to write this so others could see. But, after I write this I am going to try and write something that her daughters will read when they are older. I guess I just wanted to try this on an audience that would not feel as much as my next one. Death is such a bizzare thing, I have only revently in the last year become acquainted with it. So far within the las 12 months I have been close to 3 amazing people who will open their eyes no more. The first two were good freinds, but not as close as Morgan. Genny and Hayden were good freinds, but I had only known them for about a year or so. Morgan I had known for many. I miss Genny and Hayden, I have mourned them. They were beautiful and amazing people, but my heart does not ache as strongly for them as it does and has continued to for Morgan.

Morgan was someone I expected to grow old with. She had children and a life. She was strong and smart and caring. I was lucky to share so much with her. I have so much to say, but it all means nothing. She is gone. I feel so selfish missing her, because I know that for others losing her was so much worse. She was a daughter, and so many things to so many others. But she meant so much to me also. I still am not sure what I am supposed t do about this. I understand now the complicated mourning rituals of other cultures. It gives you something to do, it is a place to put everything and it helps make a time and a release for pain. I miss Morgan so much, but I feel so bad that I got to know her and remeber her when her daighters will probably not. Fuck!

Unless you have some amazing way to deal with loss, please do not comment on this post. I feel guilty for even making it public. But I am so confused on the issue......

I want consistancy!

OK, so the other day I was walking into the mall and I saw a car with a man plus woman = marriage sticker and another sticker that said something along the lines of no amnesty for illegal aliens. This kinda surprised me. Well, not really but it annoyed me. These people on the same care were making a moral religeous assertion and at the same time saying that imigrants should be sent back and America was for Americans. So, here was my problem. They were making a religeous assertion. Because basically without religoen or beliefs that marriage shoud mean nothing and doea mean nothing. Along with everything else to that matter. But they were also saying that the immigrants need to go back. Because they don't have a right to live in this nation, because for some reason they are worth less or something like that. One of the basic principles of most religons especially christianity. Which this man and woman stick said 500 club on the bottom is that that we are equal. We are all the same at the cross. And, apart from the cross we are all the same in that we are sinners and have no real way out. So, why are immigrants not allowed in the US. Why are they not allowed the same opportunities that we are. Because if you are a Chrisitian you must admit that theyare equal with you. No man can boast more than the others. I don't know, I just guess that if people are going to make their car a speakerboard for their opinions they should at least add up. Also, I think that most complex issues should not be dealt with with sharp and biting advertisements. You are not going to convince anyone of anyhting if you yell at them and condemn them.
Sometimes I think the only reason I can stay sain in this world is because I believe at the end there will be pure and ultimate justice. But, I think A) that will be bad for me, and B) It will probably be totally and completely different from what we call justice in this life.
Well, whoever said that Christianity was a soft and cuddly religeon.

Hello Hello Hello!

Well, this will mark my official entry into the Real Bloging world. Hopefully I will be witty enough to entertain someone. Perhaps only myself, but such is life. More information to follow.