I sound much smarter in my own head

I am home. And things are in many ways not like I expected them to be. 5 Months away from home and hearth is a long time. I felt like it had been an eternity. I was there long enough for the seasons to change, to make life long friends, and to lose a lot of weight(this is due to lack of easily available fast food.) In my time away I feel I have changed, not a lot. I am not sure I have grown as a person, I would like to think so, but it is doubtful. So growth no, change perhaps yes. In my time away though, I imagined that things back in the states would have changed. I did not envision flying cars or anything, but something different. Something upon which I could mark my time away. But by and large, I have returned to things exactly as I left them. Problems I tried to escape are still here, and I still have no idea how to solve them. Well, most of them.

I want to resolve not to change back to my old ways. I feel that I took great lengths to break from who I was by leaving for such a long time, and I suppose I must take great lengths to keep the changes that I feel are good. I am babbling again.

Life is so much more complex than it needs to be. But I think that sometimes the complexity is so vast that it seems simple and boring to my small and limited mind. To borrow from C.S. Lewis to some degree; I feel like and ant trying to read a copy of Crime and Punishment.. The letters are written so large, I cannot even read them.