Peace?
Through out my existence I have always been a big fan of life. I enjoy lots of things like breathing and sunshine and whatnot. But I think due to recent events I have begun to re-evaluate life.
Life kind of sucks, I know I am an incredibly lucky person and have had so many good things happen to me it is absolutely retarded for me to say that. And the fact that I can say that makes me realize that there is something fundamentally wrong here. If I who have no room to complain cause I have food, and family and all sorts of nice electronic equipment can say. Wow, I think something is wrong here. Than how much more so can others who have drawn crappier cards in the game of life speak the displeasure.
Life is hard. There are things that really hurt, and the fact that we have to live our own lives makes a lot of it uncertain. Things fall apart, the center cannot hold. And something is fundamentally wrong with the way we live our lives.
I hurt really bad, and someone I care about DEEPLY more so that most of the people I have know in this life is hurting deeply too. And this is because I am pretty sure that we need to get off of one track because I think it will hurt even worse down the road.
What is wrong with me? Why can I not make this work? Why can I not emerge from the crap shining, and singing a tune having fixed everything like Captain America?
I think it is because we are not doing life the right way. I am not sure how it is supposed to be done, but I am sure I am not doing it correctly. There is something fundamentally wrong with the way I and my society do life. People hurt and break and die and starve.
I wish I could be noble enough to step up and say I am going to dedicate my life to changing this. But in all likelihood I shall put back my blindfold and start trying to drown myself in the muck again.
Dear God, please let it not be so. I can take pain and I can take hardships. But I cannot take being lost. I am so tired of not knowing.
Life kind of sucks, I know I am an incredibly lucky person and have had so many good things happen to me it is absolutely retarded for me to say that. And the fact that I can say that makes me realize that there is something fundamentally wrong here. If I who have no room to complain cause I have food, and family and all sorts of nice electronic equipment can say. Wow, I think something is wrong here. Than how much more so can others who have drawn crappier cards in the game of life speak the displeasure.
Life is hard. There are things that really hurt, and the fact that we have to live our own lives makes a lot of it uncertain. Things fall apart, the center cannot hold. And something is fundamentally wrong with the way we live our lives.
I hurt really bad, and someone I care about DEEPLY more so that most of the people I have know in this life is hurting deeply too. And this is because I am pretty sure that we need to get off of one track because I think it will hurt even worse down the road.
What is wrong with me? Why can I not make this work? Why can I not emerge from the crap shining, and singing a tune having fixed everything like Captain America?
I think it is because we are not doing life the right way. I am not sure how it is supposed to be done, but I am sure I am not doing it correctly. There is something fundamentally wrong with the way I and my society do life. People hurt and break and die and starve.
I wish I could be noble enough to step up and say I am going to dedicate my life to changing this. But in all likelihood I shall put back my blindfold and start trying to drown myself in the muck again.
Dear God, please let it not be so. I can take pain and I can take hardships. But I cannot take being lost. I am so tired of not knowing.
posted by Humble Narrator at
7:03 AM
1 Comments:
Wow. This is probably the most profound thing you have ever written, and it really sucks for you because I know it comes out of extreme pain and confusion. That's another thing that sucks about life is that some of the best art and insights in the world have come out of terrible pain, desperation, confusion, and horror. I completely understand and relate to everything you're saying.
There's a song that always makes me cry that your post totally reminds me of. It's called "Down in Flames" by Mindy Smith. I may have put it on your ipod at some point. I just about cried reading the lyrics just now. The lyrics can be found here.
I just want you (and the rest of the internet, by default) to know that I am very proud of you right now for doing what you believe to be the right thing, even though it's probably the hardest thing you've ever done and it sucks really bad. I am really proud of you. I promise it won't always hurt this bad.
By
GraceKathryn, at 9:32 PM
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