What am I doing here?

I am always amazed at the difference between who I am and who I want to be. How is it possible that I can fight myself. How can my own insides battle. How can impulse battle impulse, emotion vs emotion.
Life is a complicated affair, and I am simply not experienced enough in it. I want to go somewhere. I want simplicity. And warmth, this cold stuff is rediculous. Life is so many colors and directions.
I desire peace. Where can I find it?